Friday, January 18, 2013
WARNING: This post is going to be long and rambling.
I promise not every post I write from here on out is going to refer to my gym membership and how much I love it, but plain and simple - it's making a huge, positive change in my life, and that is really really awesome and refreshing for me. Something I'm quickly noticing is a change in my diet and the way I want to eat. I've always kind of just eaten whatever I want, and up until a couple of years ago that was ok because I was blessed with an incredible metabolism and could literally feel my body digesting my food while I was still eating. This could have something to do with the fact that I am ALWAYS hungry, but regardless, I never really thought much of it.
Then I gained 25 pounds in a matter of about a year and a half.
Now I know what everyone that knows me is saying/thinking right now, and I imagine it's something along the lines of "But you are SO skinny! And tiny!!" or "25 pounds huh? So you must weigh what now, like 90 pounds?" or "Oh please. You have NOT gained 25 pounds. There's no way." or "Well you must have been really unhealthy before that." or... you get the point. I've heard every last possible variation of all of the comments above from pretty much everyone, and I've got to be honest - I'm sick of it.
Here's the deal - I may be small-framed and I may be still considered thin by any standards (truth be told, those 25 pounds are the only reason I am considered a "normal" weight for my age and height), but I'm not in shape, and I'm not healthy, and I don't feel great about my body with all this "extra" weight I've put on. I've talked a lot about my health here in the past (here and here) but what I don't think I've really gotten into is the issues I have with my stomach and how positively weak it is. I've mentioned that alcohol and caffeine are no-no's for me now, but I haven't admitted the whole truth - and the whole truth is that I throw up a lot. Like a couple times a month or more, simply from not listening to my body and pigging out on greasy food and then eating dessert and then maybe having a late night snack... and then I spend half the night in the bathroom, sometimes sleeping on the floor in there, and I'm exhausted and unable to eat the next day.
So why didn't I make a change a long time ago? Honestly, I'm not sure. I guess because I was always scared that it wouldn't make a difference even if I did eat super healthy and exercise and all that. This pessimism comes from my issues with my skin - I've had moderate to severe acne for THIRTEEN years now, with no end in sight no matter what I use/try/take/buy. So, I tend to think that's how everything with my body will go. If I eat really well and take care of myself, what if I still get sick all the time and what if I still feel like throwing up most nights and what if I just keep gaining weight and what if...
But here I am. I forced myself to join a gym and I've stuck with it for a whopping 2 weeks, which is already way longer than I thought I would last. The good news is that I LOVE it, so I can actually see it being a long-term thing for me, which is awesome. I talked to a trainer the other day about getting into a routine and she taught me about a bunch of the weight machines that will help me tone without dropping a ton of pounds (which is what I want, and what's best for my body type). I've fallen head over heels in love with zumba (even though I am terrible at it). I'm comfortable jumping on a machine right next to someone else that looks like they really know what they're doing (I'm learning. Slowly). As noted above, my diet is naturally changing because I feel good about eating things that are good for me, and understand that eating crap is just going to counter all the calories I just burned at the gym on the treadmill (and probably make me throw up). And the very very best part? I haven't felt sick since it all started (knock on wood). Here's hoping this all continues well into 2013 and beyond. I'm thinking it will.
Happy three-day weekend friends!